My whole life, I have had my WHOLE life planned out. I was chasing after every single dream I had and going at them head first!
2016 Plans:
I was going to graduate college with my Bachelors degree and get a job. I was going to get a job teaching right out of college, meet my "soulmate", get married back in NY in my parents barn, buy a house and have a family started with kids. ALL BEFORE the age of 30. I had it PLANNED out and there was no stopping me!
Planning is great! Having goals and dreams is also great. I'm all about this and love the idea of living the "perfect" life and was determined to have that.
I even made it so far as the "soulmate" part. I was on track for the "textbook" lifestyle and I was so excited about it! But life had something else in store... Mountains are placed in front of those who will climb them and here I am climbing freakin' Everest!
It all started with my Dad passing away suddenly in December of 2018. That really started the spiral of chaos that has now become my life (not be be dramatic or anything...lol). My dad was one of my best friends, I would call and joke around with him, cry to him about life issues and he would always give the BEST bear hugs that could make me feel better in an instant.
After my dad passed away, four months later, the guy I was seeing decided that we weren't the match we thought we were. In the end, he was right, but it didn't make it any easier in the beginning. I thought my whole LIFE was coming crashing down and at the time, it was. So then I had to reopen a few checkboxes again on my "life plans".
I then got a new job and things were really looking up in May of 2019. I ventured away from teaching, (remove another checkbox I thought I "KNEW" was right) and started traveling for work. I really loved it and was feeling super proud of who I was becoming. This was the light that I thought was going to really turn my life around.
Then in November of 2019, I got diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer. Now I could uncheck EVERY SINGLE BOX. My plans were NOT going as planned, and the Type A in me, was not having it. I think a huge part of why I was really struggling in the beginning of this diagnosis was because what seemed like my whole life had blown up in front of my face in the last year. Scratch that... My whole life DID blow up right in front of my face.
I then had to move back to Rochester, NY. I moved back in with my AMAZING family, but that was not the plan.
I started thinking about all of the plans that weren't going to be lined up perfectly anymore. I was no longer going to live alone, I wasn't going to pay my own way for everything that I wanted in life, I wasn't going to travel for work. How would I be married to my person, with kids and our own house by 30 if I was living with my parents in NY?!
My bio clock IS ticking and I was worried about not following in the footsteps of my amazing friends and meeting that person to have kids with. Then I got the news that my cancer is Hormone Positive and I would have to get a shot monthly to "temporarily" shut down my ovaries.
Then I got thinking...
If you don't want to read this whole thing,
START READING HERE!!
What am I doing?!?!?!
Almost every single goal I had set for myself was based off of someone else!! How horrible is that?! I wanted to live just to find that person so that I could have a family. Never mind if they were the PERFECT fit for me, all that mattered was if they were someone I enjoyed and I thought would be a good father to my children. The end goal for me was a family and I was determined to get there with my person.
Once I started to consider the slight possibility of this injection not being "temporary" and the idea that I may not be able to have kids, I got really upset. Of course I still want to have kids and I am aware of the possibility that this could, in fact, be temporary and even the idea that there are different avenues to go down to have children! I spent a few days being upset and then suddenly had a life changing realization.
I needed new goals.
WHY AM I LIVING MY LIFE JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FIND A PERSON TO LOVE AND BE LOVED BY?!? (when in reality, I should be that person for myself)
I am so so so happy for all of my friends that have found their person, that have kids and have their life "figured out", but I shouldn't want these things just to keep up with my friends and the status-quo.
There is so much to live for and so many things that can happen in life and the end all be all doesn't need to be getting married.
I feel like so many people my age are feeling pressure to find their person in order to start a family and that doesn't have to be the only way to live. How about we start taking time to appreciate the here and now instead of rushing for the next step.
YES, we still need to set goals (and one of mine is still eventually finding my person), but how about we set additional goals that aren't made up by society that require other people?
My new promise to myself is that I am going to do everything while focusing on my personal growth goals and let the rest of my life fall into place. Today I took some time to write down new goals and dreams. I broke them up into goals for 1 month, 6 months, 1 year and 5 years. I think it's so important to actually write them down and reference them often to ensure you're still working toward what you really want in life! I'm taking a leap of faith and sharing them with you to let you know that NO dream is too big. AND let me tell you--CHECKING THAT CHECKBOX IS SATISFYING AS HELLLLL.
Go out and write some goals for yourself and don't stop working until you reach them AND do not ever stop climbing your mountain. The view is sweeeet.
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