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  • Writer's pictureJulia Heck

Please for the love of all things Holy, let me do something nonessential!

I'M GOING CRAZY. The extrovert in me is craving any sort of interaction with random strangers!

 

I miss smiling at random people at TJ Maxx when we "dance" because we're trying to get out of each other's way. I miss seeing my family and friends in person. I miss laughing with the cashier at the grocery store when I am checking out with just candy, chips and beer. And I miss going to the bar for happy hour with my friends and joking around with the waiter about ANYTHING. I definitely miss getting my nails done (but who doesn't miss that, ladies), I even miss going to the bar and making friends with random drunk girls in the bathroom (and we know that I was the random drunk girl a lot of the times)!


But I feel bad, because so many people are saying that we should still be grateful if 'we' still work. "That should be good enough because you still have an income". But I don't feel like it's good enough for my wellbeing! I never knew how much I loved the random interaction with new people. Like I knew it, but I didn't realize the severity!

 

So then it got me thinking--Why can't I feel bad for myself just because other people currently have it worse?!

 

In life aren't we ALL likely to have the "the worst" at some point?


Just because someone has it worse, doesn't mean I can't feel sad right now that I can't go out and do fun things. Hell, if I said to all of you, "you can't be sad that you have the flu because I have cancer", I would probably get throat punched! But, rest-assured, I WILL FOREVER USE THE CANCER CARD WHEN I CAN BECAUSE I EARNED THAT.


We are allowed to feel however we want and you should be able to embrace that! We shouldn't be afraid to say that we don't feel like working right now or we're frustrated with our job. That does not mean that I'm not grateful for my job, I really am so grateful, but naturally, I'm going to have days I don't want to work.


AND even when everyone does get to go back to work, I am SURE they'll be complaining on days when they don't want to work.


I can relate to this... When I was first diagnosed, I said that I was going to be grateful EVERY.SINGLE.DAY because now I've experienced what it's like being told that you might not have as much time as you intended. And I'm here to tell you, there are days where I still wake up PISSED that this is even happening and I don't feel grateful that day. But I should be able to feel that way-After all, I still am "normal" and am bound to have bad days.


We are all going to be okay with due time so keep your head up and be sure to feel all those feelings even if it doesn't feel "right".

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